the perfect balance

i find it interesting, how quickly time goes by. the days are becoming like the wink of an eye. the weeks are zipping by without a pause for breath. and the months....they are just flying by. it's already the first of august, yet, i feel like summer is just beginning.

at the beginning of the year i had a list things i wanted to do and accomplish. some i did, most i didn't. don't get me wrong, i am happy for things i did and accomplished and i cherish each moment of those things, yet i have a mingling sense of failure that i seem to not be able to shake. why is that? i do not know, but it is still attached to me. maybe because i am a perfectionist and i have to accomplish everything i put my mind to, and when my expectations aren't met, i blame myself.

don't get me wrong, when i say i am happy, i truly am. i finding more and more things that put a smile on my face and i love it. but i cannot help but think of the things 'that could have been', or the 'would ifs', or the 'maybe if i had just tried harder', and finally the most evil of them all...'why me/not me'. but i must admit now that i am stuck in a rut right now. i LOVE my family, LOVE my friends, even love my job....yet.....

i will figure it out soon, the perfect balance of contentment and yearning. and i can get my leaning soul into a more balanced state. i don't know how to put it in words. shoot, i don't even know the prescription, but somehow it will come into existence. i probably won't even notice the development or process of it considering the days have become like the blink of an eye. check back in another 4 months and maybe i will be standing straight. or sooner.

umm update.

umm wind....lots of wind.

umm allergies....lots of allergies.

umm laundry....mountains of laundry.

umm insomnia....no sleep last night.

umm work....lots of work lately.

umm pandora....loving pandora.

umm film....obsessing over and purchasing tons of film.

umm traveling....lots of traveling lately (march: LA, april: NYC, may: Wisconsin and Chicago, june: LA).

umm being lazy....spending time off from work watching old tv favorites. (reruns of boy meets world and friends).

hmmm....what else??? i think that pretty much sums up the past month.

why are things weird on here???

understanding quality

after my incredibly enjoyable trips to LA and NYC, i am dying to spend more time behind my lens. that being said, i have been studying up on 35mm professional film manuals and reviews. i never really paid much attention to the quality of the film i would select, just opting for the cheapest, yet fully understanding what the consequences would be....and many of my pictures reflect that. i always had a basic understanding of different films and different film speeds, but like i said, i would always opt for the cheapest options.

i really want to take more quality pictures and enjoy them afterwards. i am understanding more and more. (too bad all of it is ridiculously expensive...)

i should update this more often. i promise....i will get better. =P

August Adventures

it has been a while since i have updated. a lot has happened. first of all i got a job in the middle of july, so that was good. enjoying that thus far. been going through some training, and almost have that completed.

as of the beginning of august i have been back in california. mainly because i completed my college requirements by taking an ASL class. i was able to sign up for a program at CSUS (Sac State) that covered the courses ASL 3 & 4. it was an immersion program which consisted of an intensive two week class that fully immersed in ASL. we had deaf teachers and commnicated in ASL ONLY. no verbal communication was allowed at any time between 9am-9pm. i must say it was a very challenging, yet rewarding experience. i had excellent professors. i learned so much about the language and the culture. it was flippin hard, i must admit, but i have gained so much through it. anyways, i completed that just this last friday evening and feel very happy about it.

last weekend i got a very wonderful brief 24 hours with my dearest friends. the girls drove up from LA in the middle of the night to visit with me. we checked in the hotel at 2am...chatted for a bit...fell fast asleep...and then woke up just in time for some breakfast at Hobies at 1pm. after that we couldn't make up our mind on what to do next only to find ourselves in bridal shops helping michaela find that special gown. after that we had to say our goodbyes. it was awesome seeing them again. and i already miss them.

in the mean time, i was able to spend the past couple weekends with my brother and sister in law (Jared and Mary Lou) while they anxiously awaited for the arrival of their new bundle of joy. well, as of late last night (Aug. 15th), Adalyn Grace Lumiqued Koopman finally arrived. i spent most of today at the hospital visiting with the new little one. and she is so precious. i am a very happy auntie. see www.koopmanohana.blogspot.com for more info and pics.

so, to say the least, it has been a very busy yet rewarding end of summer. i spend one more day out here in california then on tuesday i fly back home to colorado. i start up work again this wednesday afternoon. anywho, i think that is it for now. as they say in ASL (*hand motion*). =)

sorry for a such a delayed update. anyways, a lot has happened in the past few weeks. my class has started this month and have been studying my book and preparing myself for the online quizes. will be doing that the rest of this month before i leave august 1st to fly out to sacramento to do the in class portion. real excited and nervous about it, but i know i will learn a lot.

after about 40 days of job searching i finally landed a job! i applied at this company called Mosaic, it is a non-profit organization that cares for patients with developmental disabilities. the patients they serve and care for live in homes throughout the cities and Mosaic hires workers to help and care for them 24/7. i will be working in one of the homes. i am very excited about it and have high hopes for it. sounds like a good start on a career.

let's see, what else is going on....well i am definitely excited to see my niece who is due to arrive this early august. the whole family is excited about that. i look forward to seeing her this august when i am out there.

i discovered yesterday that i seriously need to start visiting the gym or find a way to get in shape. i actually have been good about eating well (with a few exceptional visits to dairy queen...god i love those blizzards), but nevertheless i need to start working out...again. after my lifting/strength test i took yesterday afternoon, for my new job, i found that my muscles need a little more movement. haha

anyways, glad it is the weekend again. don't know what i will do. oh well.