Comfortable Loneliness?

"The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself." --Mark Twain

I Miss.

I miss many things.

I miss certain people.

I miss the possibilities.

I miss being creative.

I miss the mystery.

I think....most of all, I miss the music.

Maybe it will come back.

?

I Shall Return

Woah...update needed.

Well, currently.

Ideas, ideas, ideas. Plans, plans, and more plans.

Excited? Yes.

Inspriration.....here, there, everywhere. <--- (I have a plan for that.)

Okay, so this isn't a real post. But oh well. I have so much on my mind about so many different things. It makes me nervous, excited, hopeful, amped.

Stay tuned. I promise...I will be back shorty.

oh and here...just because.

Wake Me Up

Sometimes I feel inadequate. Actually, a lot of the times. Not just in one area of my life, but in everything I do. Whether it be with my family and friends, or work (and definitely when i was in school), or even in my own activities and hobbies, I grade myself with grading scale harsher than any other scale. I find myself doing this a lot, especially this past week.

I try to remind myself that it is all a learning experience. It is a day by day process that never ends. It is about the road and not the destination. I find myself all too often thinking about what I need to be or should be doing in so many months/years, and reminding myself of the what I could be doing of could have been only if I had done this or that. Its such a trap when one starts thinking that way. Then I loose focus find myself all over the place.

If I could sum up this past year....I would say it was a year of learning patience and appreciation. I need to be patient...with myself and appreciate the road that I am on. To enjoy the day to day experiences this path will give me. But to also learn, when I have made mistakes, and move on. Not to dwell on the what could have been or what I should have become, but to just be...me.

Last week I spent a day in the park and downtown taking pictures of the trees and their autumn leaves. I took pictures of the quiet neighborhood I walked around. But interestingly enough, the part about that day that I remember the most was not the pictures I took but the 83 year old lady named Ann that I ran into. She approached me saying how she daily plays Russian Roulette with the drivers that whiz past her on the streets and so far she has won, but one these days she won't. She then proceeded to tell me about how she loves her walks around the neighborhood and to the park and especially on days like the one we were out on. She asked me about the pictures I was taking....if they were for a class, or if it was my profession. I told her no, I take pictures because I love doing it. She wanted to know about me, if I was going to school, where I went to school, where I worked, what kind of work I do. She told me about her family, and about how her granddaughter was getting married that weekend in Iowa, and how she was sad she could not be there for the ceremony and celebration. She also told me about her adventures she had been on with her granddaughter in California and how her granddaughter wants to be a nurse. She then completed the conversation by saying how much he loved my naturally golden colored hair. I didn't have the heart to break her heart that it was indeed dyed. Then we parted and went our own ways. It was an interesting encounter yet wonderful at the same time. It made me think, a lot.

Anyways, it is the weekend. "Summer has come and passed"...and next week is November. Wow, another year has flown by...so instead of thinking about what could have been or what I should have been doing in this past year of my life, I am going to try and just happy that I had this year and look forward to the next.

fall crunch

just wanted to say....i love the sound of crunching leaves under my feet when i walk. makes me so happy. just thought i would share that.

let's see. it's been a month since i last wrote something. lot's of thing have happened in that past month. i find it amazing how fast time slips by. makes me work harder at valuing each moment that passes by. as for what has gone on in the past 30 some says....

for starters, i have a new job, still with the same organization. i am still doing what i did before, just at a different home and i have additional responsibilities. my job is providing direct care and support, along with some assistance in administrative responsibilities. i will admit it was hard leaving the clients i was working with before, i spent a good 13 months working with those individuals and definitely built some attachment to them, but change is good. as hard and sad it was leaving that home, it was needed. i needed to be challenged and a new scene. getting to work with different individuals is always a good learning experience. i am enjoying the home, environment, individuals i serve, and the team i am working with. so far...good.

so, there are many boxes in our house right now. that is because my parents were able to go back to california and retrieve most of our belongings out of storage and bring it back home so we could once again use and enjoy it's presence. they were not able to get everything, unfortunately, due to weather and moisture that got into the storage container, but a lot made it back with them and will be used again. it is a big job, though. a lot of painting, repair, and unpacking to do.

being that we have gotten a lot of our stuff back from california, it has forced me to go through my stuff that i had been using and go through stuff that came from california and decide what i want to keep, and what i want to get rid of. i am currently taking apart my room to reevaluate how i want it to look and how to put it together. i have strong urge to paint some items too. we will see how this ends up.

as for other things....i have collected 2 more old cameras that i am having a blast shooting with. along with that, i am exploring more films, and have a current obsession with slides. just beautiful.

a few weekends ago took part in the fort collins tour de fat and had a blast. definitely will do it again next year. other than that, just enjoying each moment that arrives. a lot of fun things to do around here and i love discovering them as they pop up. enjoyed good hawaiian food a couple nights ago in windsor and have plans to head up to estes and into rocky mountain national park tomorrow (it's free day, if anyone is interested). i will take my camera and shoot as many pics as possible. capturing moments.

favorite things

ten reasons why i love colorado...

--afternoon thunderstorms
--aspen leaves rustling in the wind
--cool crisp mountain air
--natural beauty
--the rocky mountains
--blue skies
--sunsets on the lakes
--beautiful seasons
--wild flowers growing everywhere
--the endless list of activities and adventures

anyways...exciting things coming up. new job position at work, starting in september. close friends visiting in october. yeah, i am happy.















taken in estes park.
afternoon storm rolling in august 15th, 2010