the perfect balance

i find it interesting, how quickly time goes by. the days are becoming like the wink of an eye. the weeks are zipping by without a pause for breath. and the months....they are just flying by. it's already the first of august, yet, i feel like summer is just beginning.

at the beginning of the year i had a list things i wanted to do and accomplish. some i did, most i didn't. don't get me wrong, i am happy for things i did and accomplished and i cherish each moment of those things, yet i have a mingling sense of failure that i seem to not be able to shake. why is that? i do not know, but it is still attached to me. maybe because i am a perfectionist and i have to accomplish everything i put my mind to, and when my expectations aren't met, i blame myself.

don't get me wrong, when i say i am happy, i truly am. i finding more and more things that put a smile on my face and i love it. but i cannot help but think of the things 'that could have been', or the 'would ifs', or the 'maybe if i had just tried harder', and finally the most evil of them all...'why me/not me'. but i must admit now that i am stuck in a rut right now. i LOVE my family, LOVE my friends, even love my job....yet.....

i will figure it out soon, the perfect balance of contentment and yearning. and i can get my leaning soul into a more balanced state. i don't know how to put it in words. shoot, i don't even know the prescription, but somehow it will come into existence. i probably won't even notice the development or process of it considering the days have become like the blink of an eye. check back in another 4 months and maybe i will be standing straight. or sooner.