sometimes

so, there are times all i want to do is travel the world and take too many pictures, listen to great music, experience culture, dance my heart out, and eat new foods and enjoy good drinks. or to sit outside, soak up the sun and read a good book. or maybe go raining in the rain...yeah...that sounds nice.

plan of attack

so since i have been sick for a week and now a week behind schedule, here is the plan of attack for the next two weeks (it's gonna be CRAZY)...

Today (Monday):
12:30-2:30 work (try to read a bit while i can)
3-4:30pm masterclass (read everything i can)
4:30-5:30 marine class
6-7pm eat and do interview that is due for class on tuesday
7-9pm work
9-9:30/10pmish practice w/Julie
10pm-whenever study for midterm

Tuesday:
9-10am violin lesson
10-10:30am last minute studying for class
10:30-11:30ish art and bible midterm
all afternoon study for geology midterm
5-6:30pm orchestra
6:30-9:30pm geology class and midterm
10pm-midnight practice piano like crazy

Wednesday:
8-9:30am practice piano
9:30-10am piano lesson
10-noon work?
12:30-1pm music at noon
1-3pm rehearsal for duet
3-3:30pm practice w/Julie(?)
6-8pm work
8-10pm small group
10pm-midnight workout(?)/homework

Thursday:
8-noon work(?) or homework
noon-5pm work(?) or homework
7-9:30pm orchestra
10pm-midnight workout/homework

Friday:
9:30am-10am violin lesson
10:30-noon class (turn in report)
12:30-2:30pm work
6-8pm work

next week will be very similar minus the midterms, but adding a recital. i am already tired.

just another normal day

valentines day, 2008, yay!!!!! to be honest i could care less. i have never been able to fully celebrate it in it's popular meaning, but i have reached the point, that after 23 years of living, i really don't care.

now, i don't want to be one of those who sits and feels sorry for themselves because of that, and i am not into the whole substituting it with other events or celebrations for singles or whatever...i just want it to be another normal day. i could sit here and write about how i wish things were different or that this day could mean something special to me, but i don't want to waste my time doing that. that would take up too much of my time and waste yours as well.

no, today is just another normal day. i will wear red (just because it is my favorite color) and i will wear black (just because it is another favorite color), and i plan to eat chocolate (just because i love chocolate), and i will listen to sweet music about love, life, and someone (just because i love all music), and i will appreciate the flowers growing outside my window (just because i love flowers). and i will look forward to my valentine's card from my grandma that has a dollar bill in it for a candy bar. and the text message from my mom and dad saying they love me. yes, that is what i love about this day.

have a great day.

hmmm....thoughts.

so, the saying...my body is a temple...is my motto for these next 40 days. as i wrote in my last blog, i am giving up certain things and adding certain things, all in the hopes to remind myself that my body is a temple. a temple of what, you may ask, well it is a temple of the holy spirit, created to do and fulfill the work that was laid out for me, and grow in health to live a full life. so, now that i just said that, i don't want to sound too christianese but, just a desire to be healthy.

anyways, i suck at blogging, i know...but here i go...not much going on...busy with work and school. i went and worked out this morning, it was good. i want to get a tennis rack or something and find a tennis buddy and go play tennis or something every week. not that i know how tom play tennis...i pretty much suck the three times i have tried it. but just to do something active.

hmmm...something to think about.

40 days

with lent beginning tomorrow, hear are my goals.

while i am not catholic, i do like to practice doing lent each year. the idea of giving up something to honor God, appeals to me. also, i know it can benefit me.

things i will not be intaking for the next 40 days:
-all soda
-all fast food
-all alcohol

i am hoping that these 40 days will help break some of the habbits i have of drinking soda and eating fast food, knowing that they are not good for me anyways. i have a goal this year to significantly loose some pounds and some inches. i have reached a weight i swore i would never become, therefore i am determined to give up these two things. as for the alcohol, i am giving that up because it also contributes to added calories i definitely dont need and so i can focus on the work load i have.

in this time i hope to also add some things in my life that i know i need to have to maintain a healthy body and soul. i am trying to keep on with my working out and even kick it up a notch. also, go to chapel on campus...so i dont have to make them up. (like i am doing now for last semester).

anyways, these are my goals for the next 40 days yet i hope it will go beyond these 40 days.

jobs, immobile necks, and medication

mmmm, it's been a while. been ridiculously busy...shuffling four jobs and an insane load of classes this semester....and to top it off my neck checked out today...woke up not being able to move...went to the doctor's (which is significant in itself, being that i never NEVER like to go to the doctor's and avoid it as much as possible), anyways...i have been lying here all day on meds that make me sleepy. oh well...what next is gonna hit me to make my life exciting?

frustrations and blessings

well, it has been quite the week. with this new job it has definitely filled up my empty time. which is good...better that i be doing something (and something that makes me money) than sitting around doing nothing. i cannot wait to get paid.

it has been stressful too, this week. trying to get registered for next semester. while i am extremely great full for the amazing financial package we receive to come here...it is still not enough...and the amount we still have to owe is beyond my bank account or my parents too for that matter. so, i have just been stressing out this week about how we can solve this problem and solve it before it is too late.

i have begun to accept the inevitable though, the idea that i might have to take a semester off and just work. i honestly don't want to do that for various reasons. this would push my graduation date back another semester, which seems to constantly happen. i have already been at biola a year longer than i planned from when i transferred in. and then i found out that it would be another whole to actually finish up, so that put my graduation date at spring '09. that alone has been hard to deal with. now with all my closest friends done at biola and moved on, and me being 23, gonna be 24 this year...i just feel old here now and old for college, and just that i have been over the college days for a couple years now and has made this year and the idea of another whole year hard to deal with. and now, the fear that i might not get to be here this semester makes everything take even longer. i just want to be done and start pursuing a career and actually living my life. i have been in college since fall 2002 and transferred to biola after two years at the community college. i have been at biola for four years now and was expecting another whole year here...now this situation...ugh...i am just over it.

anyways, i have trying to start preparing for the idea i might not be here this semester and started looking for housing in the area. another i have to consider now is that i have no home to go to, with my parents in transition themselves...looking for a job and ministry and place to call home. so i have been looking for rooms/apartment to rent for the next several months, at least until next fall. (which i do plan to return at that time.) i have one place i am going to go check out this afternoon. plus i will have to job search because if i cannot stay as a student at biola, i loose all my on campus jobs, because i will not be a student anymore. so i need to job search for something so i can survive on. i got rent, food, gas and car issues, and bills to consider in that case. we will see, i guess.

anyways i have just been thinking about the future...what i want to do, where i want to live, and what i am going to be...and when all this is gonna ever happen for me. i feel stuck...frozen and imprisoned here in school and i feel like i can't live my life. there are plans i want to pursue and start building on, but i can't until i have my degree. so as much as i hate being in college, i want to just finish so i can have that degree. i just feel so frustrated and overwhelmed by this, i don't know what to do or so or feel.

it was good because last thursday night i went to church for worship practice and before we practiced we sat and shared our praises and concerns and then prayed about it. and it was awesome to hear our drummer share about God is teaching him joy and contentment and thankfulness in his life. and he said he has been spending time listing things, people, circumstances and situations in his life that has been a blessing. and just seeing the lists and how much there is to be thankful for. so despite all my frustration and concern about my situation i know that if i were to sit down and list the blessings in my life, it would be alot longer than my list of concerns and frustrations. who knows, maybe i will start listing those things...

be blessed.